A Little Something From Me to You

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Silence is Golden? Not so Much.

You know that sound, the echo of your own thoughts bouncing off the infinite emptiness of the universe? Silence!

There were times as a young mother when I would probably have given my best pair of designer knock-off platform heels for a few moments of that silence. At the end of a day, when I left a classroom of preschoolers for my two under-the-age-of-seven offspring, I admit I wanted nothing so much as the silent solitude of my closet-sized kitchen. Parking my children in front of Halfpint and the gang at Little House on the Prairie in exchange for a few quiet minutes seemed a forgivable offense.

As the saying goes, it's all or nothing. Forty years ago, silence was indeed golden. Fast forward a few decades and all this silence can get downright depressing.

Now don't get me wrong. I appreciate quiet. As a writer, it's essential. What I'm talking about here is silence as a response. You know those Christmas cards you send to old friends, closing your note with "I'd love to hear how you're doing?" And the doubt you feel when nothing comes back--not a note, not a phone call, not even a card the next Christmas? Don't they like you anymore? Do they even remember who you are?

(I could mention here that blogging is much the same experience. I have very little success rousing any kind of response to my posts. I'm beginning to think the majority of my followers are bots, which is really kind of creepy. But that's another post.)

I write books, each of which is a labor of love. I get so involved in my characters that I go through a kind of grief/withdrawal when their story ends. Like sending your children off to kindergarten, I experience a mixture of proud expectation and panic after hitting that magical "Publish" button, sending my stories into the vast unknown. And then I wait. In silence. I watch the sales numbers creeping upward. Somewhere out there, my books are stored in a fair number of Kindles. Waiting to be read. Being read. Have been read. Finally, the silence is broken. Those first reviews are like the voices of a rescue party coming through the fog. Someone heard me after all!

A book is only words on paper until it touches a reader. For this writer, putting a face or at least a  voice to that reader is a priceless return on my heartfelt labor. When someone tells me they read my book, I'm thrilled! They don't even have to say they liked it!

Recently, things have been a bit slow. Summers are like that. There are so many things to do other than read. I don't begrudge folks their vacations, or all the other wonderful pastimes that fill the short months. Hearing from a reader means that much more when the silence drags on for weeks. . .and weeks. . .and weeks.

 

This morning at church two people told me they were reading my books. Last week, my grandson, who's on vacation, sent me this picture of one of my "children" residing in a home hundreds of miles across the country. My new release has five reviews already! That's all it takes. Just the validation--not a word I'm fond of, but it fits--that somewhere out there, those words I poured onto virtual paper are coming to life in the minds of readers.

Moral to this post--reward your authors by breaking the silence. Don't take it for granted that they know you like their work. Don't assume they won't care what you have to say. Write a review, or if you're not a reviewer, send them a message on Facebook or an email. Whether your favorites are household name bestsellers or yet to be heard of indies, if they're still breathing, they're waiting to hear from you.

Antsy August Giveaway

We haven't even reached the middle of August yet, and for some reason, I'm feeling restless. Not that I don't have plenty to do--there's the garden and that pesky reno of the dining room, not to mention any number of housekeeping projects. But the truth is, while I'm not writing another book just yet, I feel the need to do something at least a little bit writer-ish.
So here's what I'm thinking--why not have a little giveaway, or two or three? See if we can liven things up a little. I'll get to see who is or is not finding their way here, and some of you will get free books.


It's really very simple. You're already here on the blog. There are seven previews of my new book, Katie Lost and Found, in the posts this month and last. Just go to the preview mentioned in the question, find the answer--I promise it's as obvious as the nose on your face--and post it in the comments along with your name. On the third day, I'll put the names in a hat and draw a winner, who will receive their choice of a download of any of my books. Then I'll post another question, and so on. Depending on how things go, we could do this for the rest of the month, right? That would add up to six questions and six winners.


So here we go. Question number one--winner to be announced on the evening of August 17.


In Preview #1, http://valleyrise.blogspot.com/2014/07/katie-lost-and-found-preview-1.html, Tess and Cami are discussing the guests expected to arrive at Walnut Lodge that evening. Name the guest booked into the carriage house and his occupation.

Why Robin Williams?

Last night and this morning, FB is filled with posts expressing sadness and shock at the death of Robin Williams. Why? I suspect because we all felt we somehow knew him and the loss is personal in a very real way. Just as with the recent deaths of Cory Monteith and Lee Young, we are brought face to face with the tragic truth of suicide. We don't see it coming, yet when it strikes, we are compelled to respond with the desperate hope of preventing the next one.


I don't normally weigh in on this issue. For me it is indeed personal and I fear my private grief will color my comments. But last night these thoughts circled my dreams, and in the light of day, it occurs to me that if my thoughts touch one of the 30 or 40 who seem to follow this blog, perhaps it is worth putting them here. But be warned, my ideas are based on what suicide looks like from the inside and may not ease your mind on the subject.


My father with his students-printed in the school paper at his death.

Only this past year did I finally get around to destroying the letter my father wrote to my mother the day he died. I had promised myself for years that it would not be left for another generation to find when I was gone; that it was not meant to be part of my legacy to my children and grandchildren, but a heartfelt farewell to the woman he loved. But the words are forever burned into my memory, words that seem to make so much sense and yet explain nothing.

In 1957, at the age of thirty, my father chose to end his life because, in his own words, he was weary. He described a loss of enthusiasm for living, falling of short of his expectations for himself in every area of his life, feeling old despite his thirty years of age. He expresses his joy in my mother's love, despite feeling he never deserved it. He blames no one, saying he's considered suicide many times during his life, looked for alternatives, and now believes it is the best way.


While he didn't enumerate his struggles, they had been obvious to those close to him. Possessed of considerable talent, he had failed to achieve recognition, at least the kind he sought. An aspiring writer and a gifted cartoonist, his numerous submissions had met with rejection, something he found very hard to accept. His career as a high school teacher was not the one he'd hoped for, and although he was loved and admired by his students, his performance came under criticism from his superiors, something else he found hard to accept. In fact, at the time of his death, he had decided to leave teaching for some as yet undecided new venture. During periods of high spirits, he ran up debts far beyond his ability to repay and made notably poor choices; during the low times, he turned to alcohol to ease the pain. He was a classic bi-polar with a load of baggage from his childhood. In short, he was a suicide waiting to happen.


In 1957 there was little viable treatment available for depression or bi-polar disorder compared to that today. My father did turn to the VA at one point, asking for help, but was told there was nothing wrong with him. To be fair, based on what they could see, there wasn't. He went to work, to church, taught and mentored young people, loved his family and had a kind word for everyone he met. The kind of illness which caused his pain was only visible in his eyes if you knew him well enough to see it. Even those who saw it convinced themselves he would never do anything so drastic. Only after the fact did they admit they had any fear he would self-destruct.


Also, in 1957, suicide was looked upon as an ugly secret among many families, something to keep hidden in shame. I was fortunate that that was not the case in my family, but there were others, who I'm sure considered themselves well-intentioned, who pointed out the disgrace my father had brought on us by ending his life. Time and again I went to my mother in tears, to have her remind me that no matter how hurt we were by his leaving, we must understand that he loved us and meant to do the best thing for us all. In fact, those had been his words as well. He said in his letter that he had spent weeks working out the best way, the method that would hurt us the least. He planned carefully, making sure my mother would not be the one to find him, indicating his plans to no one who might try to warn her. From all indications, he was carrying out what he had long seen as a option to end his suffering before he inflicted more on those he loved.


Could he have been stopped? I don't believe so. If not that day, someday, he would have succumbed to that weariness. That said, I believe some potential suicides can be prevented, and we must work unceasingly to raise awareness and encourage treatment. But for every one that is prevented, there will be others that won't be. We will be shocked and saddened, and hopefully led to look more closely at those around us. But when the unspeakable happens again, as it surely will, my hope is that we will not second-guess the reasons, look for what-if's, or lay blame at the feet of the victim or those who loved him. Whether it be someone as widely known as Robin Williams or someone in our own community or family, we will instead acknowledge the value of the life lived, even as we sorrowfully accept its end.


Just as all cancers can not be cured, all depressions cannot either. Each case is different, the sum of a person's life experiences compounded by the mysteries of brain chemistry. Just as all illnesses are not addressed "in time," the potential of those who suffer depression is not necessarily recognized until it is too late, even by those who suspect they may be suffering. Human nature requires us to question what might have been, pointless as that might seem. Fortunately, human nature also prods us to persistently seek a better way. Therein lies hope for some and comfort for others.

Sitting at the Intersection of Should and Could

So my latest novel, Katie Lost and Found, is up and selling. I've spent the past seven months or so fabricating a 100 plus-year-old mansion in Middle of Nowhere, Kansas, filling it with all the furnishings and ambiance of a luxury inn, populating it with a crew of sympathetic characters, and telling the first of the stories in the series I plan to base around all of this. Done. Crossed off the list.

In the meantime, the dining room renovation in my own 100 plus-year-old house has been waiting patiently for the return of my attention. Stacks of paint cans, sacks of brushes and rollers, and the distinctive echo of an empty room remind me every time I pass through that it isn't going to paint and furnish itself. Undone. Still at the top of the list.

What do I do next? You'd think the answer would be as glaringly obvious as the bare windows and scarred walls of my dining room, wouldn't you? For the next month or two, I should devote every free hour and all my admittedly limited energy to making that room the beautiful centerpiece of our home it was meant to be. I should patch cracks, sand molding, spackle, paint, sew drapes, refinish a couple pieces of furniture, and hunt down a set of chairs before I even think of writing another book. Shouldn't I?

Or I could, maybe, start working, just a little bit, every now and then, on one of the three or four ideas grinding around in my writer's brain, couldn't I? I mean, it's not like I can spend all day climbing a ladder. And my aging joints would never stand for prolonged periods of hard labor without bitter complaint. Besides, part of the reward of putting together a room is seeing it slowly evolve, savoring each layer as it's completed to perfection. You can't just rush through these things!

So here's where I am right now. I'm going to get started in earnest on the dining room. Thanksgiving is getting closer, after all, and I promised jokingly back in May that I'd have it done at least by then. To keep myself honest, I'm going to post my progress here. But, I'm pretty sure I'm also going to start work on another book, which I'll also post about here as I get underway, just for variety's sake.

Here I go, easing away from this intersection. What I know for sure is not what I should or could be doing, but what I can do if I try. I love working on this old house, despite the sweat and dust and sore joints. And I have to write, as surely as I have to eat and sleep. Doing one or the other isn't really an option right now. Doing both should end up rewarding me in two very satisfying ways. I hope you'll join me! This should be fun!

Katie and Found--Preview #7

After their first reunion, Peter is determined to learn all he can about the woman Tess has become and her life at Walnut Lodge. If she isn't willing to tell him, he'll just have to find out some other way.

Peter watched out of the corner of his eye as Tess circled the dining room, pouring coffee and talking with patrons. She looked lovely, sleek and elegant in a classic black dress that suited her magnificent figure to perfection. Her hair was swept up a simple twist with a few errant curls framing her face and neck. This was not Katie Adams. This woman was the antithesis of the girl he remembered, as refined and restrained as Katie had been blunt and spontaneous. It was easier to think of her as Tess now that he watched her in action.

Earlier in the parking lot he’d fallen into conversation with a couple who’d apparently known Tess and her late husband for years. A few moments of allowing them to admire his car and they provided a wealth of information. From their comments he gathered that Jim Weldon had been liked and respected, that together he and Tess built Walnut Lodge into the business it was now. He learned that Tess’s husband died after an extended illness, and that Weldon’s ashes were scattered over the grounds of what had been his lifetime home. He also picked up on the fact that her friends worried Tess would bury herself here at Walnut Lodge in the effort to carry on her husband’s legacy. Watching her now, he felt certain she was doing what she loved. There was no hint of obligation in the easy way she went about her job.

He lingered as the dining room emptied, wondering if Tess would continue to ignore him. Not once had she paused at his table, as she had countless times at all the others. Clearly she was uncomfortable with his presence here. He wanted to know precisely why before he considered making other plans. Things might not have worked out for them all those years ago, but he had yet to understand exactly what had happened. Until he did, he was unwilling to accept sole responsibility or let Tess push him away.

He ordered a second brandy and settled in his chair, pretending to stare out the window, while in fact he observed Tess’s reflection. When the last group of diners wished her good night, she glanced around the room before going to the kitchen, still ignoring him. He wondered if that was his cue to leave until she reappeared, bottle and glass in hand, and headed straight for his table. Even in the distorted reflection, he could see the uncertainty in her eyes.

“May I join you? You look as though you’re in no hurry to leave.” Setting a bottle of the brandy he was drinking in the center of the table, she stood waiting. This was his chance. She’d come of her own volition. Surely that meant she wanted to have the same conversation he did.

“Please do. I’ve been waiting for you.”
 Click here for Katie Lost and Found--Available exclusively from Amazon.com

Katie Lost and Found--It's Live!

Welcome to Walnut Lodge! I'm so proud to announce that Katie Lost and Found, the first book in this new series, is now available on Amazon.com for Kindle. (Yes, there will be a paperback edition, but due to technical difficulties beyond my control--my designer's computer is currently on the fritz--there will be slight delay.) In the meantime, click over to Amazon and help yourself to a copy of this sweet romance. Katie Lost and Found, as will be the case with all the Walnut Lodge books, is the story of lost love found, of second chances and old wrongs made right. I hope you enjoy your time at Walnut Lodge so much you'll want to come back soon!

Katie Lost and Found